The Journey

 

As delegate Kommander Kusskuss from the Scottish CIRCA gaggle Glasgow Kiss, I was sent out to participate in the Grand Excretions Intergalactic Gathering of Half-witted Tramps (hereafter referred to as G.E.I.G.H.T) that was to take place in Heiligendamm, Germany, in early June 2007. Because my fellow gagglers were on other important missions on different places on the British isle, I went on the long trip to Germany with some Mancunian samba players. We had an interesting journey in buses and trains meeting many individuals travelling into the same direction, all of them having messy hair styles, and speaking many different languages, and playing different instruments. On the way we passed many very strange institutions called “borders” where our luggage was searched very carefully by very serious looking men asking if we wanted to go to the G.E.I.G.H.T. We must have looked very suspicious, maybe even dangerous with our pink furry drums!

 

On 2^nd June everything around us started to look very flat and foresty, which meant that we finally reached Northern Germany. When we arrived in Rostock there was a huge procession of people who had come especially for the G.E.I.G.H.T (between 25,000 and 80,000 depending on who you ask). We asked why everybody was so excited, and we were told that large groups of Darth Vader style Robocops in dark clothes were running around right through the procession in big formations to show off their space helmets, black laser swords and magic spray cans. Some procession participants really got into the war game and seemed to take it very seriously (a little clown training may be good for them?). They staged a stone throwing competition in the direction of the Robocops, and lightened up some pyrotechnics inside of a couple of nearby cars. The Robocops did not appreciate the flying stones and sparkly fires; they were obviously no big fans of Earthly fireworks. Maybe they were used to better ones on their own planet? However, it came out later that some undercover Robocops had dressed up as Earthlings (or as some said, agent provocateurs: http://de.indymedia.org/2007/06/182399.shtml) to stir up the people in the procession, so they must have somehow enjoyed the war games very much after all! The end of it was that many people ended up being very angry, and it was no longer possible to join the big procession, so we (and our big drums) travelled on to the 5000 people strong Camp Reddelich, one of the three camps (which were a bit like festivals, but quieter, less muddy and with fewer drugs) that had been set up to support our G.E.I.G.H.T.

 

Pink Processions

 

I couldn’t see any red noses of my fellow G.E.I.G.H.T. clowns, as they were staying in a different camp. So (red nose in my pocket) I spent two days drumming the tambourine in the Rhythms of Resistance samba band, amazed how they managed to overcome multilingual barriers with their synchronised yet ecstatic beats, playing amazingly organised in a pink furry glamorous group that may have been around a 100 strong. The people around Heiligendamm seemed to be obsessed with big processions, as there were more & more of them happening. We banged drums all day long in order to make people grow food that hasn’t been made to mutate in very strange ways and sprayed full of poison (who would want to eat that anyway?). Another day was dedicated to getting rid of the strange institutions called “borders” which (I learned) I had only been able to cross because of the pretty colour of my passport – if the border police doesn’t like your colour, they send you back to where you came from. The processions were massive, very powerful and very creative, with lots of amazing costumes and music and chanting – and from my spot among the tambourine players I could finally see some red noses of rebel clowns popping up here and there and encircling the Robocops and adding to the overall colourful melting pot of peaceful yet very determined resistance. Large groups of Robocops (because of their dark uniform dress code hereafter referred to as the Black Block) joined the party, but they were very jealous of other people getting there too, so at times we had to wait on some tiny random train stations for ages. Or maybe the Robocops just wanted to show off their huge funky water canons which apparently were some kind of portable showers to be used when people get very hot. We had some rainy days, so the Black Block didn’t get to use them and looked a bit disappointed – at least they were saving huge amounts on their water bills (water isn’t free in Germany).

 

Red Nose Union

 

Two days went by and I had been missing the company of my red nosed friends so much that in the third night, while the drumming beats were still echoing in my ears, I hastily packed my things and moved to the small misty Camp Wichmannsdorf near the Baltic Sea. There, rumours said, some weird looking people had been spotted who could very well have been the rebel clowns I was looking for. And indeed – o joy – a big part of Camp Wichmannsdorf was fully designated to a very big group of fellow clowns! Imagine my excitement at the sight of all the red lovely noses, and among them the nose of widely travelled Private Canal. After departing from his original gaggle (Glasgow Kiss), Canal had caught some strange kind of disease that made his thumb stick out in a strange angle and some amnesia subtype which made him sleep no longer than a few nights in the same place. He ended up being dumped very close by the massive clown group that was about to hold G.E.I.G.H.T., with their unquenchable thirst for more Seedy buffoon games which would make G.E.I.G.H.T. even more fun. The 200+ clowns who were staying in Wichmannsdorf had been very busy playing games in the past few days, like applying to work in McDonald´s (after all, Ronald McDonald was proven to be their evil unwanted relative) and showing the German army how to create a messy colourful but less explosive Bombodrom (see their reports for more info – http://de.indymedia.org/2007/06/179774.shtml )

 

In the camp, however, I was quickly informed that G.E.I.G.H.T was not going to take place! In shock I learned that a group of eight dangerous beasts, far more dangerous than the Darth Vader clones of the Black Block, had taken over the Hotel Kempinski in Heiligendamm where G.E.I.G.H.T. was planned to be held. The beasts were notorious for emitting farts that smelled so badly that they killed all sentient beings, rocks and rivers in a radius of something like the whole planet! So, instead of having G.E.I.G.H.T., our new mission was to keep the beasts inside the hotel, so that the danger to the public was at least minimised. To achieve this, a fence had been build around Hotel Kempinski, smell-proof but because of the acid rain emitted from the farts, and the chemical reaction to our newly built fence, an additional distance of 200 meters had to be enforced over and above the 12 kilometre perimeter the fence covered. To ensure that nobody went beyond this invisible boarder, Black Block Robocops were on a mission to protect us all from the Dangerous Farting Beasts. We from CIRCA decided to help out, and we spent the following days going on big space adventures to fulfil our mission.

 

Fun with the Black Block and Anti Konflikt Team

 

It was often difficult leaving our lovely Camp Wichmannsdorf, because the Black Block Robocops were blocking the roads to make sure nobody carried things such as scarves, goggles and lemons, which were considered to be dangerous weapons. They were very jealous, especially of us clowns. They thought that our water pistols were better than theirs; they kept whispering that we were carrying dangerous acid in them to be sprayed into their eyes.

Some individuals that were hanging out with the Black Block turned out to be unemployed clowns that wanted to join us. They were wearing yellow jackets that had “a-ha” and “anti konflikt team” written on them, and they declared that they wanted to play with us (but they weren’t allowed to because they had loaded guns in their pockets, which are not popular with CIRCA clowns). They behaved very strangely, and declared that they were the cleverest delegation of the German Police (a local branch of the Black Block) because they knew how to deal with clowns. Many of us clowns were very confused because the a-ha team had very smiley faces, but their eyes weren’t smiling. They didn’t want to give us their hats and jackets (to Private Canal´s huge disappointment) and they did not want to be touched. The a-ha team had obviously not learned that we clowns share a lot of things, and that we love touching each other. They looked like they could do with our help and a wee training in disarmament and non-violence. Instead they insisted on keeping their guns, so after having played with them for a while and realising that they cannot be helped, we left them behind.

 

It was great fun playing with the Black Block on the roads, like sneaking away behind their backs so that they couldn’t see us and reappearing somewhere else where they didn’t expect us. But they often did not want to play with us and became very nervous just when the games started to be most fun. So, rather than walking on the roads, one day we decided to go hiking in the forest. It was great fun running through the endless Northern German woods with about 200 clowns, pink fur and red noses popping up here and there like little flowers amidst the green. It was a sunny and beautiful day. When we got out of the forest, we did a big clown march until we found a comfy road to rest on. We lay on the warm asphalt in the sun and were enjoying ourselves, just about a couple kilometres away from Heiligendamm. Suddenly loads of Black Block people and yellow tragic a-ha types emerged from nowhere. It turned out that we had come dangerously close to a gate in the fence near the hotel where the Beasts were still lingering and continuing their occupation of the place, thus preventing our G.E.I.G.H.T. from happening – we could almost smell them! We were told to go away from the fence until we were at a distance where the beasts could no longer harm us. But we were not allowed to march! And we were only allowed to walk on the right side of the road. Now, we clowns tend not to be too fond of the right side, so after a short discussion our solution was to march backwards so that we could still be left where our heart is. We were left alone by the Block; so we sat down on another part of the road again. Black and Yellow came back and, after playing with us for a while, became slightly overprotective and formed a circle around us. They told us we were getting a Platzverweis (which is a bit like being sent back in grandmother’s footsteps, which some folk in suits like to call a ‘restraining order’), and they let us cuddle up in their circle for a while. However, it was a hot day and they turned out to be not very strong - when we started playing games with them they got tired very quickly, and finally walked us home on the roads that grew longer in the heat (they weren’t as clever as us to take the short cut through the forest). We said good bye and arranged to meet up again the next day.

 

Star Wars

 

When the next day came, all the people in the camp wanted to do a star march but the Black Block told them that they weren’t allowed to. So we did our own star march (with allot of stars in our faces) to another of the gates in the fence near Heiligendamm where the beasts were still lingering. People, numbering in the thousands, had been having a snooze on the road like ourselves the other day. We eventually found the Black Block, but today they were no fun at all. They didn’t even want to play with us (maybe they were still tired from the previous day?). To help their tired friends, a constant stream of more Black Block clones was being produced and emitted by swarms of helicopters around the fence. They would not let people sit on the road, and they did not even like people standing on the field next to the road. I think they were scared because there were a lot of people who looked very suspicious and dangerous with all their face paint and rainbow coloured clothing, and some of them were even naked, and they may have stirred up the beasts with their singing and dancing. We told the Black Block that they needed not be scared, that even though we CIRCA clowns had completely surrounded them, nothing would happen to them and they were free to leave if they would all put their fancy sci-fi weapons onto the floor.

 

The Black Block did not like our suggestion; as I said they were very protective of their out-of-space technology, so they decided to show us what sorts of fancy stuff they could do with it. They wielded their laser swords and sprayed their magic spray into people’s eyes which turned out to hurt people a lot (maybe they were allergic to Martian herbs). It was a very hot day, and the Black Block must have been even hotter under their padded black uniforms and helmets (we suggested that pink fluff is a bit lighter and cooler and more comfortable to wear, but they wouldn’t believe us). Finally they decided to be nice and give us all a fresh cooling shower from their about nine water canons that they had driven onto the field (or maybe they just wanted to water the lawn, I’m not exactly sure). They forgot to turn down the water pressure though which gave people a few ugly bruises, and a couple of people even partially lost their eyesight. I think the Black Block forgot that they were the only ones who wore helmets and lots of padding and that they jealously forbade others to wear some too. Probably the Black Block always take showers in their space uniforms so for them the water pressure would have been all right – but as we know by now they’re very strange people indeed. People on the field did not enjoy the shower quite as much, but still many of them started singing (people sing under showers as we all know). At one point most of them had been clean washed and left the field, and it got a lot quieter. The energy totally changed; only about four of us clowns stayed behind guarding the seemingly endless rows of Black Block with their body armour. We cleaned their shields as they had got wet, and were in beautiful communication with the few other people still guarding the field and smilingly facing the police lines. Some were drumming and singing old gipsylike melodies in a language I didn’t know; and we sang more familiar tunes like “Give Peace A Chance” and so on. Two clowns were united in a long lasting kiss while being pushed forward by the police lines which eventually closed the space until the last people left as the day was already slowly coming to an end.

 

The Press Conference

 

On the last day, the CIRCA mission was almost completed. The beasts were still inside the fence, and this deserved a celebration. We decided that the best way to do this was to give a CIRCA press conference to which we invited a lot of Very Serious media people, and to go for a swim in the sea afterwards. We said goodbye to Camp Wichmannsdorf, which had been our home for the previous week, with its wonderful compost toilets, and started walking to Bad Kühlungsborn at the Baltic Sea. Some clowns had to be carried or were on crutches by that time, bruised and beaten at the hands of the Robocop space technology. On our way to the beach we joined a huge colourful procession of beach lovers, who had been stopped by the Black Block (who was still hanging out on the roads - they must enjoy this very much). They declared that they would not let us go swimming, and they arrested one clown for some time because of his disguising terrorist face paint and uniform. But they soon had to give in to the big bunch of cheerful singing people, with inflatable boats and balls that were being thrown about over the Black Block’s heads, and their sheer determination to jump into the sea.

 

After finally reaching the beach, there was a live TV crew of the NDR (a Northern German TV channel) on a stage waiting impatiently for our press conference to start. Of course we were the highlight of their TV programme, but while they were waiting for us they had some kind of warming up programme going, with moderators in rather dull dress and make-up. It looked pretty boring so we decided to intervene and jumped onto the stage to play with the moderators. They did not particularly like it, yet we continued having fun until some Black Block Cops turned up and threw us off the stage (which resulted in a broken clown finger). We then gave our press conference next to the stage, and when our eight clown delegates came together, finally our G.E.I.G.H.T. was happening in all our delegates’ eight favourite languages. Some of these languages were very rare and the delegates were in fact the only people who knew them (which made some listeners unfairly assume that they had made up the languages themselves – how could they possibly think such a thing?!) Afterwards many CIRCA clowns took off all clothes and jumped into the Baltic Sea, where we had our face paint washed off for the last time during this intense week by cold salty waves, and the day (and week) came to a beautiful end in hopeful, uplifted spirits.

 

Kommander KussKuss 2007